Coaching is for wimps!

At a marketing seminar aimed at coaches, the marketing expert’s opening gambit was, "It’s tough marketing coaching … no-one wants to admit they’ve got a problem and that they need help.”

This single comment raised two issues:

Firstly, how come we don’t want to admit we have problems and “need help” at work? It’s as if every morning there are armies of workers donning their business suits and simultaneously hopping into psychological “superhero” suits.

Who hasn’t heard a colleague proudly declare themselves “too busy to eat lunch”. Once, I was interviewed by someone who bragged about his 2 hour commute to work (each way). ”…that’s what we men do..”, he ended with pride. It’s as if these colleagues were wearing their discomfort and tribulation as a kind of badge of honour, a sign of their strength and their commitment to the job. “Not only do I not need help, I can put up with all this discomfort!”, cries the superhero.

In contrast, one of the most effective technicians who ever worked for me had a great talent for spending his lunch time so completely engrossed in his novel that he would giggle out loud at the comical parts. He was a great asset to the team and would return to his work with a focus and energy I admired and sometimes envied. I knew I’d get clearer thinking from David with his full tummy and sense of humour, than a hypoglycaemic workaholic bragging about missing lunch.

And the second issue? The old chestnut that coaching is problem-focused and remedial. Coaching is a service used by effective people to help them become even more effective. Feel free to repeat the last sentence over a few times.

Sports coaching offers a really useful metaphor. For the last 6 months I’ve been getting some coaching on my running. It doesn’t feel like I am getting “help with my running.” I can’t remember Liam ever physically pushing or pulling any of us up that last hill – much less offering to drive us up! We get up those darn hills ourselves. He challenges us, he reflects what he sees, he asks us what we notice and how we feel, he encourages us and helps us set realistic targets. He also supports us; in a given session, if anyone needs to walk he’ll stay with them…. And every so often he tells us to “back off, slow down, and have a rest week.” The coaching both challenges and supports me to work harder, try new things and take a break. It’s often hard work, uncomfortable, and it takes a lot of my energy. And it works. I’m fitter and stronger and my running times have improved.

My conclusion is: We are not super-heroes, it’s good to have a break to take care of ourselves, and coaching is definitely not for wimps.

Coaching: To be…or not to be.. coached, that is the question

A friend of mine (let’s call him Peter) is “acting up” at a senior level in an organisation so he has just employed a coach.. Good idea – so how come it took Peter 6 months to get around to it?

Maybe he was new to the concept of coaching?
No – Peter had used a coach in a previous post and found it a useful space to reflect and focus on his own agenda.

Was the funding an issue?
No - he’s in an organisational position where he can access and authorise large amounts.

Then it must have been organisational policy?
No – his HR department seemed supportive when he finally got around to asking them to do some research on options.

Obviously, there may well be some factors that are internal to Peter and contributing to “the block”… and that could be an interesting dynamic for Peter to explore in a coaching session!

What other factors might have contributed to the block?
The two organisations were very different. The previous organisation was a “start up” and coaching was arranged for the whole team of directors, and their coaches were allocated so there was no need to choose. In contrast, coaching was not visible in the current organisation and seemed not to be “on the agenda”.

So there are two important organisational factors:

Firstly, the potentially remedial view of coaching; Peter may well have had concerns about his colleagues’ perceptions of the use of a coach? Would they perceive it as “remedial” – signifying a need for support in a bigger job?

And secondly, how to choose a coach?
Peter had many demands on his time. There was enormous choice and real difficulty in differentiating between the companies, let alone individual coaches. Add to this the sense of embarking on a fairly personal relationship based on only paper or electronic information - a bit like an internet date?

The solution was that Peter used a company I recommended and let the company chose the coach.

The experience of seeing a very rational and decisive person get blocked like this has stimulated my curiosity on the dynamics of choosing a coach. I’m starting to gather and analyse descriptions and I’d be really interested to hear about your experience – especially on any factors that supported or impeded your choices.